EP. 308 The Relief Trap: Why Discounting Feels So Good in the Moment

Recently, two therapists in my Foundations program said things that sounded different at first. One said, “I feel bad charging my self-pay rate.” Another said, “I love giving things away for free.” I think those thoughts are closely connected.

Discounting feels so good in the moment because it gives you immediate relief from the discomfort of charging for your work. When you lower the price, give away a session, or add extra time because saying your full rate feels uncomfortable, that uncomfortable feeling gets to disappear for a few minutes.

That relief can look like generosity, which is why I want you to pay attention to what is happening underneath it. There is nothing wrong with choosing to give something away. The question is whether you made that decision ahead of time because you genuinely wanted to give, or whether you made it in the moment because you wanted relief from guilt, dread, or an awkward conversation about money.

That distinction matters because every time you change a business decision to escape a feeling, you reinforce the thoughts that created the discomfort in the first place. That can keep you discounting, undercharging, and questioning a rate that was simply a number before your thoughts about it entered the picture.

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Why Does Discounting Feel So Good in the Moment?

Discounting feels good in the moment because it gives you temporary relief from the uncomfortable feelings you have about charging for your work.

Maybe you feel guilty saying your rate out loud. Maybe you’re worried someone won’t want to pay it. Maybe you’re thinking people in your town can’t afford it. When that discomfort shows up, lowering the price, giving the session away, or throwing in an extra 15 minutes can make the feeling disappear quickly.

The relief you feel is real, but it doesn’t tell you whether discounting was the right business decision. Sometimes free feels better because it allows you to skip the hard feeling you would have experienced if you had charged your rate cleanly. When that happens, the discount is solving your discomfort in that moment rather than coming from a decision you made ahead of time about how you want to run your practice.

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Can Giving Services Away for Free Affect Your Clients?

Giving services away for free can affect how clients experience and participate in the work because free sessions, heavy discounts, and unplanned extra time are not neutral for the client.

Think about something as simple as giving a client an extra 15 minutes without discussing it with them. You may feel generous, but they didn’t agree to that extra time. They may have somewhere else to be, and now they’re running late. If I have extra time I want to give, I can tell the client and let them decide whether they want it.

Price can affect the relationship too. When someone pays, they have made an investment in showing up and participating. When something is free or heavily discounted, that can change. If I undercharge because I’m trying to protect a client, keep them happy, or keep them coming back, I may be getting in the way instead. I want my clients to be in agreement with me about the service they’re receiving, rather than making those decisions for them based on my own discomfort.

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What Is the Difference Between Intentional Generosity and Reactive Discounting?

Intentional generosity is a business decision you make ahead of time, while reactive discounting is a decision you make in the moment to get relief from an uncomfortable feeling.

There is nothing wrong with giving. You might decide that you have two discounted spots available each month or that you offer one free community day each quarter. Those are decisions you can make when you’re calm, thinking clearly, and know what your business can afford. You can stand behind the decision because you chose it on purpose before a client was sitting in front of you.

I also want you to notice whether your generosity has strings attached. If you give something away hoping the client will come back, refer someone, or leave you a Google review, there is an expectation connected to that gift. When I choose to give, I want to know I can afford it and remove those strings. That is very different from changing my price in the treatment room because guilt showed up and I wanted the feeling to go away.

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How Can You Stop Discounting to Escape Discomfort?

You can stop discounting to escape discomfort by allowing the feeling to be there, deciding your discounts ahead of time, and changing how you respond to the thoughts you have about charging.

Decide to Feel the Discomfort

Charging your full rate can feel uncomfortable when you’re doing something new. Maybe you’re raising your rate for the first time, moving from insurance to self-pay, or starting your practice. That discomfort does not mean something has gone wrong.

You can charge your rate and feel uncomfortable at the same time. You don’t need to make the feeling disappear before you say the number. The more important question is whether you’re willing to experience that discomfort without immediately changing the business decision you already made.

Decide Your Discounts and Giveaways in Advance

Deciding your discounts and giveaways in advance keeps an uncomfortable moment with a client from making the decision for you.

Choose your rate and decide where you want to give when you’re calm and thinking clearly. Then, when the nervous feeling hits in the treatment room, you already know what you decided. You don’t have to renegotiate your rate every time you experience guilt or discomfort.

Notice What You Think About Charging

Your thoughts about charging influence how you feel about your rate and what you do when it is time to ask a client to pay it.

When “I feel bad charging this” comes up, you don’t have to argue with that thought, but you also don’t have to obey it. Notice it and ask yourself, “What would I have to believe about this work to charge for it in a clean way?” You may not fully believe the answer yet. Practice giving that belief equal airtime with the thoughts that tell you to discount.

The practitioners I see who are fully booked and calm aren’t necessarily the ones with the lowest rates. They’ve worked on getting to a place where their rate is their rate. It’s a business decision that doesn’t require an apology, explanation, or discount to soften it.

This week, find one place where you’re giving your services away for relief instead of because you decided to. Then decide, with a clear head, what you actually want to do there.

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Ready to Get Fully Booked?

The Get Fully Booked Challenge is coming November 9th through the 13th, and we’re spending five days working on how you run your hands-on business.

I’ll walk you through a clear path toward keeping your calendar booked, leading your clients with confidence, and making real money doing the work you love. If you’re building a practice, close to starting one, or already booked and ready to build something stronger, this challenge is for you.

Block off November 9th through the 13th on your calendar and make sure you’re on my email list at https://themfrcoach.com/mailing-list  so you’ll be the first to know when it’s time to grab your seat.

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